Lucknow and Vipassana meditation

This is the meditation hall where we spent 10 hours of every day meditating
Amanda and I with the other women who did the Vipassana course with us

So, after Agra - the next destination was the uninspiring town of Lucknow. I hadn't mentioned previously that I was considering going for a 10-day Vipassana meditation course - for a few reasons. One being, I hadn't exactly decided if I was up to the challenge and if I was going or not - and secondly, I didn't want to let anyone know that I was going and then end up not being able to finish and have to let everyone know that I quit. I had signed up for the course about a month ago, while in Udaipur but really went back and forth as to whether it was something that I truly wanted to do. The circumstances that have presented themselves in my life made for an even bigger challenge. After much indecision, I decided to go for it. It was the most challenging, physically painful, emotional and rewarding experience - all in one. For those of you who aren't familiar with this type of mediation (I wasn't very familiar prior to going either) - it adheres to some very strict guidelines. The course, as I mentioned above, is 10 days in length and is held at an ashram - where they feed you, give you a place to stay and teach you the meditation process - all free of charge. It survives solely on a donation basis. Upon arriving, you must hand over all of your reading material, notebooks, music, money, etc... During the entire 10 days, you take an oath of noble silence - no talking to anyone except the teacher and only then, to ask about questions relating to the meditation process. The daily schedule went as follows:

4 a.m. Wake up bell

4:30 - 6:30 Report to the meditation hall for two solid hours of meditation

6:30 - 8:00 Breakfast break

8:00- 11:00 Meditation with only 5 minute breaks in between each hour

11:00-1:00 - Lunch break and free time - which consisted of taking your shower, doing laundry and soaking up any sort of sun that you could get and maybe squeeze in a nap

1:00 - 5:00 Meditation

5:00-6:00 - Dinner break - dinner consited only of fruit and a small snack - part of the course requires you to not eat any large meals after midday

6:00-7:00 Meditation

7:00-8:30 Discourse - which was watching a video that helped explain what you were going through and to help teach you the process.

8:30-9:00 - Meditation

9:30 - Lights out

This was what every single day looked like. It was really intense. 10 hours of meditation per day. One of the most challenging aspects of the course was the physical pain. The first 3 days were spent solely on observing your breath - and focusing on the sensation just above your upper lip and around your nostrils. This part of the process was to sharpen your mind - by focusing on such a small area of your body - to prep you for the next step. During this time, you could move around and change your position, which I did frequently. After the third day, we actually started Vipassana. We went from observing just a small area of our body - to trying to move through the parts - from head to toe and then back up from toe to head - through each part of the body. And a new challenge was to not change your position - for 3 out of the 10 hours of meditation per day, we were supposed to try and not move any part of our body for the entire hour. This was an absolute challenge. The physical pain that arises is unreal - for me, it was in my hips and my lower back. At times, it was absolutely unbearable. This is all part of the process. What you try to do during that time is to just observe the pain and not react to it. Much easier said than done, that's for sure. You are trying to retrain your mind to not crave or have aversion - just to observe the impermanence of nature - how things arise and then pass away. Your body is always filled with sensations - as we are comprised of atoms and molecules that are constantly in motion and constantly changing. However, most of us are not present and we are such reactive creatures that we do not feel these sensations. We are so used to reacting to the objects on the outside - instead of simply observing and maintaining control and balance in our mind. Those who can maintain this presence of mind and feel sensation at all times are said to be enlightened - such as Buddha. It is an extremely powerful tool for living - and very challenging. It is supposed to purify your mind - as you sit and observe and let things come to the surface, you are essentially purifying yourself from your misery and suffering. I had a very hard time slowing my mind down at times - and couldn't make it through many of the hour long sessions of not moving however, I had several amazing meditations where I was able to get through the pain and actually feel the sensations throughout my body. It didn't happen often but when it did, it was pretty amazing. I have to admit that I tried to leave on two occasions - and got talked into staying by the teacher. I spent a lot of time planning my escape - when I would leave, where I would go when i left and then packing my bags. It was pretty entertaining. I gues it's quite common for people to drop out - it's so intense. I'm proud of myself for making it through and I learned a very valuable technique which I hope to incorporate into my daily life. This technique was discovered by Buddha and originated in Burma - 2500 years ago. The technique was brought back to India by a man named Goenke. I learned a lot about Buddhism through taking this course and a lot of the ideas really spoke to me. I am inspired to learn more. It was a very worthwhile endeavor and I'm glad that I did it. I can't think of a better place to do meditation than in India. Amanda and I were the only westerners at the ashram - everyone else was Indian. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that men and women were not to interact and we had completely separate quarters and dining areas - another one of the strict guidelines. We all meditated in the same place but you completely avoided eye contact with everyone really. All of the girls that were doing the course were quite young - 15-19, I'd say. They were part of a school group and it was impressive to see these young ladies undertaking such an intense experience. On the final day, when you can actually talk again - it's really strange. You don't really know what to say. Everyone has just undergone such an intense experience. I left the meditation hall and went back to my room and hid in the bathroom for a few minutes because I was overwhelmed with emotion. I didn't want anyone to see me cry - and funny enough - I walked outside of my door and all of the girls were hugging and crying. We couldn't really talk with the girls however because they spoke Hindi and very little English. It was very sweet though because they all came up and gave us the biggest hugs - it was touching. I really recognized a lot about myself and a lot of things that come up are really hard to face - and to accept. And then at other times, you feel on top of the world. It was very up and down - from one meditation to the other - there was no telling what was going to come to the surface. Oh yeah, and let me not forget to talk about the food - because it's impossible to talk about India without mentioning the food - it was - you guessed it - delicious and amazing. Lunchtime was my favorite time of the day! Go figure.

And lastly, i'll end this entry with a funny story. On the second or third day, i can't remember - after the 4 am wake up bell, i stumbled to the bathroom to use the toilet. The toilet in my room had a bodet (not sure if that is how you spell it or not) but anyway, the knob to shut off the water was a bit threaded -and in my weary state, I turned the knob past its stop point and it completely fell off. Now water was shooting across the bathroom and hitting the opposite wall. So, here I am - 4 a.m., barely awake, at an ashram where I am not supposed to talk to anyone and there is water shooting across my bathroom. i went to the office first to try and find the maintenance men - but of course, they were not there because it was 4 a.m. Then, I ran to the meditation hall where i hoped to find the teacher so that i could tell him but the only guy there was his assistant and he couldn't speak English. i tried to explain what was going on and he told me to wait 10 minutes - and i tried to explain that it was an emergency. i wasn't sure what would happen after 10 minutes of water shooting across the bathroom. He understood the word emergency and he sent a guy to my room so that i could show him. He simply helped me move my things to a new room and the water continued to splurge in that bathroom until midday. Luckily, the bathrooms here are equipped with drains in the floor so it was no problem. I found the whole scenario to be quite hilarious.